Last month, in November, my progesterone was 7.4, showing no signs of ovulation. Actually, that's down right terrible.
This month, in December, my progesterone was... 12.6!!!! It almost DOUBLED in one month's time. =) He still wants it to be 15 or above, but he said you can most definitely conceive at a 12.
This month, since the meds worked, we will do another dose of 100 mg a day of clomid for 5 days, if I am not pregnant this month. He feels strongly that I had a pretty good ovulation cycle. He was very pleased that my ovualation surge was almost exactly right- day 15, instead of day 19-22 like it had been. We are definitely on the right track.
He was very encouraging to me and feels that we can conceive soon going down this path with our numbers continuing to rise. What a good thing! He was also very encouraging because he said he knows that heartbreak happens each month it is a no-- he doesn't want me to get discouraged because we know that I CAN get pregnant and carry a child.
Please cross all your fingers and toes for us, as this is some HUGE positive news, and I haven't had such good numbers in quite a while. My progesterone will need to be supplemented in a pregnancy for sure, but we know that we can definitely get there. Time and patience: two things I definitely lack, but I will do my best.
I love Dr. H. He is AMAZING.
On other news... I am very excited because tonight is our RTS Decemember meeting. I think we have a new couple coming, and I also am excitd about seeing all my angel parent friends. We are having finger foods together, and we're doing an ornament exchange. I am so blessed to have people in my life who know how hard this holiday season is and how much we miss our little angel.
I have to say that I am less and less tolerant of ignorant rude people. I had a situation with a fellow Publix customer in Madison on Monday- I was talking to the bagger, who is an old friend of mine, and Kylie came up, so the cashier asked me what happened. Briefly, I told her Kylie was born early and had a bowel disease that caused her to have surgery, and she didn't make it long after that.
A woman in the other line just blew up and was so pissed off that I had the nerve to talk about my "dead child," and that "NO ONE cared or wanted to hear about that." It took everything I had to not go off... everything I had.
I am thankful for the support of my friends and family and understanding how terrifyingly upsetting that was. Every day living without Kylie is hell. I would give my life, my whole being and existence just to have her back. I would love to watch her grow, learn, and become a beautiful young woman, but it was not meant to be. Why, I don't know. I guess I will have to find that out when I meet her at the gates of Heaven.
I had a young lady approach me last spring and tell me this: Mrs. Keith, I am Muslim, and in my faith, we believe that if a baby dies, the baby waits for its mother. The baby is cared for and loved by all in Heaven, but it won't grow up or go anywhere until the mom is there to join them, and that the true cycle of life will continue when mother and baby are reunited. We also believe that the baby loves its mother with more love than can ever be imagined, and the baby is anxious for the day it can be held by its mother again. When you reunite in Heaven, it will be a beautiful meeting.
Those words stand out to me so much- that someone with such different faith, different raising, and such a young look on life could say such a profoundly beautiful thing. That is the image I hold on to- that Kylie does remember me and love me, and that even now, no one can quite care for her with the same kind of care that comes from a mother's touch. It gives me great solace to know that she loves me still, and that she is waiting on me to raise her, so that she doesn't grow up without me. It will be beautiful to watch her grow up in Heaven- she will never have a bad childhood experience, and Heaven will be blessed with the most beautiful angel child as she grows and becomes a woman. I am looking forward to the day that I can hold her in my arms once more, this time, while she looks up at me with those beautiful deep blue eyes.
What a miracle baby I have birthed, and what a joy to call her mine. I am a blessed angel mother. Those who don't understand are just jealous that they don't have such a perfect angel watching over them.
I love you, my dearest Kylie Brielle. You are my heart and soul.
Below are a few pictures from my 27th birthday, spent with my wonderful family:
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