Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Our big girl!

Our big girl!
Growing so fast!

Kylie 1 day old

Kylie 1 day old
Curling up

Bryleigh Addison

Bryleigh Addison
Our youngest miracle


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Friday, August 13, 2010

Dear Fate: I wish you would start liking me again. Thanks, Amber

Dear Fate,

Okay, enough is enough. I am eleven months into hell now, and I'd really appreciate it if you would find a way to stop sending bad things my way. Let me remind you of what you have put me through, in case you have forgotten:

1.) September 2009- three weeks of agonizing pain, fearing for my unborn child, begging for some kind of answers to protect the baby I so desperately loved. Hospital visits, dr.'s appointments, and late night wake-up calls to the docs... three weeks of panic and complete hell.

2.) October 2009- in two week's time, you gave me the most precious blessing of my life, but you brought her to me too soon, and she had to fight to live. I watched my child suffer for two weeks, in more pain and agony than September, because all I wanted to do was to fix her pain, make her better, or take her place. I did not want my child to suffer. And then, when I was finally accepting the role as mommy to a preemie, who would have many obstacles to overcome, you changed my fate again, and you ended the life of my daughter. You took her from me, and you ripped my heart right out of my chest. You ruined my life and took away a part of me that I can't ever get back. You took the most precious gift I had ever received, and you took her with no remorse. You made her suffer, and then you took her. Knowing that my child fought so hard, and you still had no decency to let her live... that is the most cruel joke of all.

3.) December 2009- you took my mom's brother, my Uncle Paul. He was the person we always stayed with when we went to visit family, and he was the one who could say a million words by just speaking one. Watching my mom hurt again, after losing her grandaughter, was hard... losing my uncle, the uncle who always welcomed me to his home, who always made me smile... the one who loved kids and loved doing things for others...

4.) January-February 2010- you made my gall bladder problem visible, after putting me through several more ER visits and an ambulance trip to the ER. You couldn't just let my surgery be easy either, because you had to send me to the ER less than a week after my surgery so i could suffer some more. You just laughed at me, because you knew I couldn't rest easy if you made me suffer again.

5.) May 2010- you tried to take my only other child away from me... you decided to throw a stick in the pot and make it a little too dramatic... you caused me so much crap and worry. You must really hate me, since you wanted me to be childless at this point.

6.) June 2010- you took Chris out of work for two 1/2 weeks with a horrible case of poison ivy. You blew up his motor in his truck. You made your prescence known through a water leak in my house that damaged half the house and kicked us out for a month and a half. You even left me car-less for about 2 weeks. My body decided not to cooperate because of you, and my fertility problems started anew.

7.) July 2010- you took Chris out of work for another 2 weeks or so because he was so, so sick. You extended the time it took to work on our house. You decided to laugh in my face by making Chris's paychecks so small, from the time he missed. You also decided you wouldn't let me have a period again, so you figured if my body didn't work, I couldn't get what I really wanted, which was to be pregnant again.

8.) August 2010 (so far)- you made the alternator go out in the mustang. You made me get a new battery in my car last weekend. You continued my fertility problem, and then you decided to put me in a car accident last night.

What else can you possibly throw in my direction? You've already made me an outcast in several ways, and you have already made me not welcome to participate in certain activities. You've already let me know that I'm not welcome around some, and you've let me know, on more than one occassion, that you feel I am not worth any good luck.

I want to let you know that I HAVE noticed you, and that you are FREE to go now. I am sick of you hanging around and giving me bad luck. I am so ready to be done with bad luck and fate, so you can go pick on someone else now. You've already ruined my plans for my family, because it will never be complete without Kylie. You've already ruined every car I have available to drive, or have injured it one way or another, and you have already caused me more pain in 11 months than you have caused some people in a lifetime. I get your point. I get it. You hate me. That's fine, and I think you have completely proven that point.

Now that you have proven your point, you can leave now. I am holding the door open so that it can hit you on the way out. I am willingly letting you go.

By the way, I don't care to see you again, either. You are no longer welcome here.



Thursday, August 5, 2010

Miracles and Blessings

So many miracles and blessings, all because of the tiny life of my amazing daughter, Kylie Brielle.

1. We have secured a venue for our October 15th ceremony, and it is unbelievably perfect!! Trinity United Methodist Church in Huntsville, AL will be hosting our event, and I am so grateful for their kindness and hospitality. They are letting us use the "new room," which is set up like an auditorium with a stage and everything, and I am just in awe- it is huge, and beautiful, and perfect. We have an AV/lighting crew and EVERYTHING. It is going to be GREAT. I met with them yesterday after work, and I couldn't be happier with it.

2. I have a meeting with Huntsville Hospital Foundation in two weeks to ask for a fund for Kylie's Book project. I am in high hopes that they will be completely supportive. The hospital and the foundation are supporting a lot of parent bereavment services and programs right now, because of my persistence and ideas, and so it gives me confidence that we can work something out.

3. The most important of all... the Alabama Chapter of the March of Dimes has named me Star Volunteer of August 2010. I am humbled and speechless at the honor of this award- I hope that it helps Kylie's story reach others and touch their hearts, because she holds my heart with her in Heaven. You can't hear her story and not be affected by it... well, in my opinion anyway. I am so thankful, so grateful, that I have been blessed as her mommy and that she has given me a chance to make others aware of NEC, the March of Dimes, and pregnancy and infant loss.

I have the most amazing child in the world.

Plus, I purchased a decoration at Kirkland's this weekend, and it fit Kylie perfectly- it is already displayed in the living room. It is a metal sign decoration (that is purple, my fave color!), and it says...

"It is not the length of life, but depth of life." --Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Kylie's life was only 2 weeks long, but her life has more purpose and depth than anyone I know!