Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Our big girl!

Our big girl!
Growing so fast!

Kylie 1 day old

Kylie 1 day old
Curling up

Bryleigh Addison

Bryleigh Addison
Our youngest miracle


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Sunday, January 13, 2013

Stressing out, as always.

This year marks the 75th Anniversary of the March of Dimes, and by the grace of God, we have been chosen as the 2013 Huntsville March for Babies Ambassador Family. Those two things in one year are just HUGE. I've been hard at work over the past month preparing information, getting our story out there, recording PSAs, working on billboard information, working on March of Dimes event invites, fundraisers, etc.

On top of all of this, we are closing on our new house this Wednesday, so we are packing and moving. We are still trying to run the online parent support group, Jaycee has dance on Tuesdays, Awana's on Wednesdays, and now Taekwondo on Mondays and Thursdays. I am super excited that she is so involved, but right now our schedule looks like a train wreck! We'll be moving through the three day weekend, and then Tuesday, our fundraisers begin...

Tuesday, Jan. 22- Mi Casa night in Harvest, Alabama from 6-8:30 (Publix shopping center on Hwy 53)
Friday, Jan. 25- Thirty One fundraiser at Kids Care Daycare in Toney.
February 9- Whimsical Art painting fundraiser at 6:00 P.M. at the Toney Volunteer Fire Dept. Station 1.

We have Family Fun day hopefully the first week of April. We are hoping to do our annual cut-a-thon. We have to get collection bins out in a week or two. We have flyers to make and pass out.

I'm so worried that people won't participate this year like they have been, even though I've been trying so hard to get people to join the team, make their own teams, etc. I have tried to do a variety of fundraisers so that it isn't the same ole' same ole, but I really want them to be successful. I put so much time and effort into them because I want people to get a great experience from it, yanno? I stress about everything, I guess, but it works me into an anxiety attack!

Praying for peace and for the ability to keep on working hard on it... pray that I keep the anxiety down and just let it go as it will. =)

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Growing in many ways...

Over the past several years, my life has changed drastically. In just the past year, I have changed more than I thought possible in that time period.

In a year's time, I've re-dedicated myself to God, been baptized, took on a role as Mommy of 2 very busy earthly angels and continued my journey as a parent to a heavenly angel, made decisions to finally buy a home again, worked so hard to have an awesome start, took on a role of responsibility at work beyond just teaching in the classroom, and so many other things.

In a year's time, I've lost my precious, most amazing Granddaddy. I've watched my best friend go through grieving for her mom and grandfather. I've hurt for my own child, and for others. I've met new friends because of infant/pregnancy loss. I've experienced hurt.

I've seen joy and happiness in watching my beautiful girls grow; I've watched Bryleigh complete many milestones, from rolling over, to sitting, to pulling up, to crawling. I've watched Jaycee start school. We were blessed beyond measure with the awarding of custody to us, the desire of our heart for the past nearly 5 years. We were granted a peace and a hope that our sweet girl does belong with us.

I've learned about my strengths and weaknesses. I've pulled away from some of my former passions to put time and energy into new ones. I've devoted myself to helping others, and I have learned that I still have a lot to learn.

This morning, I had a huge lesson. Last night, a person I have known (only on the computer) for over 13 years made statement that greatly offended me and hurt me, as it was a tasteless joke about abortion. I made a comment about it, and then someone said something not so nice, and the "friend" of mine tried to say it was all in fun. I private messaged this person to explain that at some point in life, you have to have some kind of regard for the people you care about and know when things are tacky and tasteless and when things are okay. Abortion isn't really something to "joke" about- it's fine if you don't want kids, or don't like kids, but with the "freedom of speech" thing comes a responsibility (that last part I thought of after I sent the message). But I told him that he would never really know what I went through, how it affects me, and so on.

The message I received back should have horrified me, shocked me, or tore me to pieces- well, the old me, anyway. Instead, I realized something. The minute I read things such as "You can't expect people to identify with you anymore." and made comments about how I always expected people to be sad with me forever, but he didn't care about Kylie, because he didn't know her, he just hurt for me for a little while... well, I don't expect anyone to be sad with me. There was so much more to the letter, but just those things... I read them, and I made a decision. I wasn't mad. I wasn't crying. I wasn't hurting. I just decided instantly that God did not intend for that person to stay in my life. The people who truly care about me, who truly know me, who truly want to be a part of my life will always know that Kylie is a part of who I am, and though I don't expect anyone to be sad or know every detail about her and remember it, those who are personally close to me will not ever forget it anyway.

And because of that decision, I deleted the Facebook friendship. And I feel good. I forgive him for his comments, and forgiving does not mean I have to continue to keep something going that wasn't really a friendship for a long time anyway. This small moment happened for a reason, but it taught me something valuable. Yes, I get sensitive and take things personally, but unlike what he said, I didn't become that way because of losing Kylie. I was that way before. Sometimes, life experiences change us and put us in a place we never anticipated being, but that's okay. God has a plan for me, and God will continue leading me down the path he wishes for me to take.

Tonight, I celebrate the ability to be strong. I celebrate growth and constant learning. I celebrate the opportunities to test my faith and strength. I embrace who I am, and I'm not looking back on anything with regrets. I am who I am, and I am proud that I can admit that now.

May God bless each of you as He has blessed me!