Growing in many ways...

Over the past several years, my life has changed drastically. In just the past year, I have changed more than I thought possible in that time period.

In a year's time, I've re-dedicated myself to God, been baptized, took on a role as Mommy of 2 very busy earthly angels and continued my journey as a parent to a heavenly angel, made decisions to finally buy a home again, worked so hard to have an awesome start, took on a role of responsibility at work beyond just teaching in the classroom, and so many other things.

In a year's time, I've lost my precious, most amazing Granddaddy. I've watched my best friend go through grieving for her mom and grandfather. I've hurt for my own child, and for others. I've met new friends because of infant/pregnancy loss. I've experienced hurt.

I've seen joy and happiness in watching my beautiful girls grow; I've watched Bryleigh complete many milestones, from rolling over, to sitting, to pulling up, to crawling. I've watched Jaycee start school. We were blessed beyond measure with the awarding of custody to us, the desire of our heart for the past nearly 5 years. We were granted a peace and a hope that our sweet girl does belong with us.

I've learned about my strengths and weaknesses. I've pulled away from some of my former passions to put time and energy into new ones. I've devoted myself to helping others, and I have learned that I still have a lot to learn.

This morning, I had a huge lesson. Last night, a person I have known (only on the computer) for over 13 years made statement that greatly offended me and hurt me, as it was a tasteless joke about abortion. I made a comment about it, and then someone said something not so nice, and the "friend" of mine tried to say it was all in fun. I private messaged this person to explain that at some point in life, you have to have some kind of regard for the people you care about and know when things are tacky and tasteless and when things are okay. Abortion isn't really something to "joke" about- it's fine if you don't want kids, or don't like kids, but with the "freedom of speech" thing comes a responsibility (that last part I thought of after I sent the message). But I told him that he would never really know what I went through, how it affects me, and so on.

The message I received back should have horrified me, shocked me, or tore me to pieces- well, the old me, anyway. Instead, I realized something. The minute I read things such as "You can't expect people to identify with you anymore." and made comments about how I always expected people to be sad with me forever, but he didn't care about Kylie, because he didn't know her, he just hurt for me for a little while... well, I don't expect anyone to be sad with me. There was so much more to the letter, but just those things... I read them, and I made a decision. I wasn't mad. I wasn't crying. I wasn't hurting. I just decided instantly that God did not intend for that person to stay in my life. The people who truly care about me, who truly know me, who truly want to be a part of my life will always know that Kylie is a part of who I am, and though I don't expect anyone to be sad or know every detail about her and remember it, those who are personally close to me will not ever forget it anyway.

And because of that decision, I deleted the Facebook friendship. And I feel good. I forgive him for his comments, and forgiving does not mean I have to continue to keep something going that wasn't really a friendship for a long time anyway. This small moment happened for a reason, but it taught me something valuable. Yes, I get sensitive and take things personally, but unlike what he said, I didn't become that way because of losing Kylie. I was that way before. Sometimes, life experiences change us and put us in a place we never anticipated being, but that's okay. God has a plan for me, and God will continue leading me down the path he wishes for me to take.

Tonight, I celebrate the ability to be strong. I celebrate growth and constant learning. I celebrate the opportunities to test my faith and strength. I embrace who I am, and I'm not looking back on anything with regrets. I am who I am, and I am proud that I can admit that now.

May God bless each of you as He has blessed me!