New Frustrations

So all that catching up has brought me back to the purpose of my blog post today.

Fertility treatments= more pain.

We've been trying to conceive (TTC from here on in) since March (since my gallbladder surgery clearance). In April, I had my last period regularly. In June, I still had not had one, and so I changed OBs and moved to Dr. Harris's office. He started me on Provera, got my period started, and we waited for my period to come again. I had to take Provera again in August. :( September, I started clomid, 50 mgs a day, and I finally had a period on my own. YIPPEEE!! This hadn't happened in nearly five months!

This month, we moved to 100 mgs of clomid a day, and I ran an over-the-counter ovulation kit. I didn't ovulate until day 22, but I did get a surge, so I called in, and a progesterone test was scheduled for this past Thursday.

Yesterday, I talked to Dr. Harris, and though I didn't get an exact number, he said it "wasn't good." I'm showing no signs of ovulation again. My progesterone has always been a problem.

We are going one more month on Clomid at 100 mgs, with the ovulation kits, and the progesterone test. If the progesterone isn't any better, we have to consider new routes... which is what I was afraid of.

Dr. Harris also mentioned that he feels a lot of what happened with Kylie was due to that uncontrolled BP that my doctor kept upping my meds on... and if that is the case, oh man, I am just devestated. That could mean my doctor killed Kylie, in a way. And that is NOT okay with me. I wish I had proof. It won't bring her back, but it would help me heal.

So, I am depressed. I didn't want to walk this path again. It just "happened" with Kylie, and I don't understand why it can't just "happen" now. My body sucks. I hate it.

How about this? If I had my Kylie here with me, I wouldn't be going through this, and life would be good.

Life sucks sometimes.