All for you, baby girl!

I'm addressing this to Kylie, as I feel that sometimes it expresses emotions and words that blogging alone doesn't express. I love talking to Kylie, and I don't get to often.

My dearest Kylie Brielle,

It has been quite a while since Mommy has written to you. Please don't think it is because I have forgotten you, because I haven't. I would write to you every day, quite honestly, if I could.

So much has been going on, all because of you, and my mind is consummed day in and day out with the image of your sweet little face. It is a blessing to remember you so vividly, to remember your little movements, and to remember those gorgeous baby blues. I am thankful for my good memory, though even if my memory were bad, I know I would never forget you. You are the light of my entire life.

I was able to speak and share your story with others, to help motivate them to donate to the March of Dimes. I think your story definitely inspired many. I had such sweet comments after speaking; they were thankful for me sharing your life with them, and it really helped them see the impact the MOD has on people. You are such a blessing to everyone who hears your story, Kylie, and it makes my heart swell with pride!

I am going to co-head the family teams with another sweet lady who also has an angel in Heaven. I am thankful for the opportunity to help with such an important charity and group. The March of Dimes is the reason you were with Mommy and Daddy for two whole weeks, and for that, I am forever grateful. I will always be a MOD supporter! I know that you are happy to have your family support such an important cause, and I know you would support it too, if you were here with us.

I often think about you and what you would look like now, what your personality would be like, and it just seems so hard to believe you're gone and not coming back. The holidays are so difficult, because everyone else is all happy and merry without a care in the world, and they think everything is so perfect... but for me, life won't ever achieve perfection again, because you will always be missing. I know it's not healthy to dwell on the what if's, but I can't help but wonder how different my life would be if you were with me.

Some nights are still lonely and difficult. Some days, I miss you so much more than others. It is a difficult, difficult journey. I ache to hold you one more time... I miss you deeply, terribly, painfully. My heart still feels like it has a hole, a hole that will never be filled. I am not the same person I was before you left, and I never will be completely the same.

Kylie, you changed my life in so many positive ways, and you continue to make me strive to be a better person. Your tiny life was a miracle in more ways than one, and nothing could ever take that away from us. You have made me stronger, more passionate, and more giving. You have made me more cautious, more questioning, more concerned. You have helped me find a way to help others, and you have helped me become a better person with an even bigger heart. You have inspired me in countless ways. You are my light, my life, my hope, my heart. You are everything I wish to be and more. You are perfect. You are mine. You are loved. You are missed.

I could go on forever telling you how much I love you, miss you, and ache for you. I could use every word in the English language to tell you how much I wish to have you back in my arms. I would give anything for another cuddle, for another kiss, for another chance to touch your sweet face and kiss your precious nose. I would give my life so that you could have yours.

Please keep close to Mommy and Daddy in the next few weeks and months, as the holidays are so hard, as they serve as a reminder of how much we miss you. I wish so much that you were opening presents with us this year, having some table food with us at Thanksgiving...

Sweet baby, you are the most loved angel in Heaven. I love you with every fiber of my being, and I miss you equally as much. I love you, I love you, I love you.

You are my heart, my tiny angel.

Love always and forever,

Your Mommy