I made another page last night that I am super proud of, and it will be included at the bottom of this post..
Today, I admitted something to my mom that I never thought I'd be comfortable to say or do. I admitted that by Spring Break, I think I will be able to handle boxing up Kylie's clothes, blankets, towels, and things that she never used (not the furniture or her memory items, just the clothes and baby items) and put them in the attic until we are ready for them again. I never thought that day would come! It feels a little scary, to admit something so huge, a step that I haven't been ready for. However, I haven't gotten the courage to throw away the much-too-old-to-use breastmilk in the freezer... all 30 or so containers... that is my last physical bond to Kylie. That milk was made for HER. HER. By me. I made that. That very milk that come from my body nourished her body.. okay, so not the same milk in the containers, but it all came from me. All of it. And she was nourished for several days with my milk. What a connection to have to your child... and how special it really was!
I miss my baby girl so much these days, but I find so much strength in helping and doing for other people. I am so excited about the steps we are taking this year...
I met with Ellen (my bereavement group leader) on Friday, and we are going to be doing so many things... and those things will have a post when the time is ready, but I am so excited to have her on my side to help me get my goals accomplished... goals that I have had since losing Kylie.
So... now I have something to look forward to. Chris just left on yet another structure fire call, and so the house is quiet and waiting for me to take on another page or two. I might have more pictures to post early in the morning!
i love.
ReplyDeleteI also have a secret. I moved 2 times with Breast milk in the freezer(from Ga to AL, and AL to TN). I couldn't throw it away either, that is a special special bond. I think its OK to keep it a while longer.
ReplyDeleteI just read your story on Face of Loss Face of Hope and I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl. I too have suffered a loss and continue to live through it and with it. My daughter Naomi Hope, my firstborn was born emergency c section at 28 weeks (but had IUGR and was like a 26 weeker size) due to severe preeclampsia. She was 1 lb 12 oz. She survived 35 days in the NICU and got very ill with staph auresis and pnemonia and I watched her go. I feel and know your pain all too well. big big hugs. she is beautiful. btw I am a HUGE fan of butterflies, so I love your layout,
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