Hello. My name is Amber. You know a lot of things about me, but something some people don't know is that I am the very first (yes, making me the oldest) grandchild on my daddy's side of the family. My grandparents had three boys, and I am the first of only three grandchildren. So needless to say, I am 28 years old and have been spoiled rotten since the moment I entered this world. AND, I wouldn't have it any other way =)
With the difficulties my family is going through right now, the past few days have been full of quiet, reflective thoughts on my life as a grandchild of Frank and Betty Lanford. I have been so blessed to call these two amazing people my grandparents, and they have impacted my life in so many ways. My relationship with my grandparents has always been special, and the love I have for them could never be put into words. Words just can't do justice to what they mean to me.
My granny is the sweetest little lady you could ever meet. She has always been short, and she would often tell us that the reason she was so short was because everytime she tried to grow, her older siblings would knock her down into the ground an inch to keep her short. =) She is particular about her clothes (Alfred Dunner is almost all she would wear), and her favorite perfume is called Beautiful (yes, at the beauty counter in the department stores). She was always done up with make-up, had a perm, and went to the beauty shop once a week. Granny always called us "hun" and "darlin", and she rarely ever said a cross word about or to anyone. But, if she was really upset or offended, she would often speak her mind, and it always made me giggle when a bad word came out of her mouth.
My granddaddy seems tough on the outside, but he has such a soft heart for his grandchildren and great grandchildren. Granddaddy was a Marine, and he is a very, very prideful man. He takes pride in dressing well- he says it says a lot about a person. I've only seen him in jeans maybe 5 times in my whole life. Granddaddy is stubborn, too. Pride can do that to a person. =) He walked around on a broken foot for 6 weeks before agreeing to go to the doctor. He used to avoid the doctor, because He was a MARINE, and he didn't need a doctor. =) I often saw and heard him speak harshly to others, but it has been only once or twice that he spoke harshly with me. But, something that I always, always notice about him is that he is a gentleman. He holds doors, and he stands up to greet or say goodbye.
When I was little, I had a baby sitter. Often, Granddaddy would pick me up early from the babysitter and he would take me places. We often went to the Depot, to the park, to a store, or back to "the office." My favorite was when he or Granny would take me back to the office or to their house. I spent many, many days and hours with my grandparents. Now that I am older, my mom told me that at first, my granddaddy was NOT happy about having a grandchild; he didn't think he was old enough to be a grandpa. Then, he got mad when he found out I was not going to be a boy. But, my parents told me when I was born, I couldn't be more perfect in his eyes. And when my sister came along, he was the same about her, and of course, the same also when my cousin Brad came along 11 years after me.
I remember going to the construction company (my granddaddy's company- he started it at home and then moved to his own office when my dad was little. His father built houses, as well) many times. Daddy, Uncle Mark, Uncle Frank, Granddaddy, Granny, and even my mom worked there when I was little. Granny was the secretary, and I loved sitting in her lap and helping her open envelopes, write messages, and eating crackers with thousand island dressing. Her bottom desk drawer was full of nail polish: every red and pink color you could ever imagine, all in one place. She would paint my fingernails and toenails every time I asked, and would often touch up her own. I have always been jealous and in awe of my Granny's fingernails- they are always (even now!) perfectly manicured, and long, beautiful, strong nails... and for as long as I could remember, her nails were always perfectly painted.
Granddaddy would let me help him make copies on the copy machine, write on the marker boards (I was destined to be a teacher even then!), and play "store" in the supply cabinets using the calculators. Sissy and I would pull out this old metal stool with rubber grips, and we would use it as a desk to play school. I even had my very own little pillow that I kept under my mom's desk, and I would sleep there.
On the weekends, or just any time we went to Granny and Granddaddy's, we were treated like royalty. They had a small sitting room that we called the antique room. The furniture was old and "royal"- velvet red cushions, decorated lamps, and a beautiful tea set that sat out all the time. Granny was never afraid of us breaking her tea set, and let us play with it all the time. Then, she would open up her drawers and drawers full of jewelry, and we would try on her rings, necklaces, and earrings- lucky for us, most of her earrings were clip on- and we would walk around in her high heels. Granddaddy would cook filet mignon every Saturday night, on this awesome grill built right into their stove, and would always prepare baked potatoes and salad and BBQ bread (the kind with seasame seeds on top!), and then after dinner, Granny would pop us popcorn ON THE STOVE (I know, right!), and let us stay up and watch movies.
All of these things will be forever engrained in my memories and my heart, because they helped mold me to who I am. This strong family relationship encouraged me throughout my life, and it has become the inspiration for much of what I do. Every Christmas lunch was spent at Granny and Granddaddy's house. Every Halloween, we made the trip into town, grabbed KFC for dinner, and then took it to their house. Granddaddy had so much pride and joy taking us trick-or-treating in the neighborhood that he has lived in for so long, where we often knocked on the same doors, rang the same bells, and trick-or-treated at the same houses that our dad and uncles had visited as children.
And let me tell you- there was nothing too good for their grandchildren! Granny IS a shop-a-holic (Now you know where I get it from!), and if you went shopping with her, she would buy anything you even touched- not to spoil us, but because she genuinely wanted to get it for us and make us happy. That was one of the major ways she showed you how much she loved you. Granddaddy and Granny both would often pull out cash before we left their house; $20 here, $20 there- because they just wanted to. AND, they wouldn't take no for an answer. We even went on beach family vacations together, and they supported everything we did in school- every graduation, every special event, dance recital, everything. They were there and supporting us.
I guess I'm writing this because I am afraid when the time comes for me to have to write something, I am afraid my emotions will be so insane, and my heart and soul will be hurting so much that I won't have the ability to write these things. The reality of losing them is becoming harder and harder to handle, and I have spent much of the past few days literally in tears because I am not ready to lose them. I know that being in your 80s is a good, ripe age. I know that being 28, almost 29 years old is an amazing feat to still have three of my four grandparents AND a great-grandmother who will be 103 in October. However, no one is ever truly ready to say goodbye to those that they love. There is nothing that can prepare me for losing my precious grandparents. NOTHING. And yet, the reality is, it will probably be much sooner than I ever cared for it to be. Treatments are hard on Granddaddy right now, and Granny's situation will not ever improve. She deteriorates more each day. So I guess this is my way of trying to make sense of it all. I know God's timing cannot be questioned. He already granted me my prayers for my Granny to meet and hold Bryleigh, and so I can't be selfish. I can't wish for them to stay here forever just because I am not ready yet. It wouldn't be fair for them, and it wouldn't be fair to anyone else.
So please forgive my momentary lapse down memory lane. I am trying to savor each memory, each moment. Each hug, each kiss. Every holiday, every single vacation, every single dinner or lunch out. Every moment of my life has been transformed by the love of my grandparents. I live to make my family proud of me, and to be an adult and see things differently... God, I am so lucky!
And now as a mom myself, I have seen my grandparents experience a new joy of being great-grandparents. They are truly head-over-heels in love with these babies, and my heart melts to see that this must be how they feel/felt about me, my sister, and my cousin when we were born. They are just so different when the kids are around; Granny smiles and seems more herself, Granddaddy is chipper and laughs a lot.
So tonight, I won't pray for a miracle. I won't pray for more time. I won't pray for a cure for any of these things, because quite honestly, I know there's not enough time. However, I will pray that each moment with them is special and full of love and closeness. I will pray that Granny and Granddaddy will have peace and joy in their time here on this earth. I will pray that God grants us the wisdom to make educated and good decisions concerning their care and health. I will pray that God helps guide me through these emotions and feelings. I won't be bitter this time, because God knows what He is doing, and though I may not like it, I know that it is His plan. I know that there will be one tiny, special little girl waiting to greet her great-grandparents at the gates of Heaven though, and I know that I will have a whole lot of spoiling to UN-DO when I arrive to Heaven myself. So please keep my family in your prayers, and please hold your loved ones close- you never know when you won't get to do it again.
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