It's all good. ALL is good.

So today during church, I was reminded that there is one being in this world who loves me and cares for me regardless of what any earthly being does to me, says about me, or thinks about me. GOD, in his infinite understanding and grace, knows the person I am, for He created me. He made me in HIS image, and He takes pride in his creations and wonders.

Today lifted me beyond the hole I was slumping myself into, because you see, I care deeply what other people think about me and say about me. I know it is a petty, trivial thing, but I am always worried about what they say and think about me, and how they feel about me. If I think of someone as a friend, it hurts to know that they think otherwise of me, especially when I do all I can to be nice and to be a good friend.

However, I have just decided that being nice sometimes isn't enough to change people. "Kill them with kindness" may work for a bit, but it doesn't change the person ultimately. It doesn't make people like you any more or any less than they did before. I have decided that there is no need to apologize for being ME. Because you know what? If I'm good enough for God, then I'm good enough for anyone else!

If more people in this world would lift people up instead of pushing them down, if more people would praise the good instead of harping on the bad, if more people would support and help instead of tearing down and degrading, then this world would be much better off. If more people remembered to act in God's image, to be more Christ-like, to be more forgiving, then we would be better off. If more people chose to be honest, to be nice, and to be realistic, we would be better off.

I think a big thing is that we all judge. I'm guilty, too, but I have been really trying to improve here. The thing is, what works for one person may not work for someone else. Everyone has had a different life, a different situation, different raising, different everything. It doesn't mean that it's wrong, or that it's a bad thing. It just means that we are all DIFFERENT. You can't judge me for the choices I make, because it is not your place to judge. We can all disagree, and we can all dislike choices that others make, but you are no better than me just because you do things differently from me. There isn't necessarily a right way or a wrong way to live life, but some people act like their way is the ONLY way, and unfortunately, that is not how life works.

I know what kind of person I am, and I know where my heart is. I found this great image on Facebook today, and it says, "You know my name, not my story. You've heard what I've done, not what I've been through. If you were in my shoes, you'd fall the first step." I think this is 110% true!

I've been told so many times over the past 2 1/2 years how strong I am, and until recently, I didn't believe it at all. I felt weak, broken, and damaged. I felt beyond repair. I felt like I was a mess. But now, I know that I am still standing. I am still fighting, still surviving. I have gone through the worst hurt any parent could ever experience, and that is the fact that I had to grow a beautiful child within my womb, birth her, and then say goodbye to her, all in about 29 weeks. If you haven't had to bury a child, or say goodbye to a child through miscarriage, you will never understand what I'm getting at. To many people, they feel like enough is enough, and I need to move on. However, it is not that simple. No person who has ever lost someone close to them ever forgets that person or stops missing them. How is my child any different? But, I am surviving. I have endured the cruelest of words being slung at me in my darkest hours of grief. I have withstood trials and tests that many people will never even have to imagine. Despite this, I still stand, doing all I can to provide a life for my living children while carrying on the name and legacy of my heavenly angel.

You know what? If you don't like me, that is your problem and your loss. I have a lot to offer to my friends and family, and that is not me being stuck up or anything. I just give 100% to those I love and care about. If you have a problem with me, address it with me up front. I am tired of "wondering" what I've done so wrong to make people dislike me, talk about me, or mistreat me. I am always here for anyone who needs me, and I do my best at everything I do. I like to succeed, and I work my butt off to do just that. I am a good person with a big heart, and sometimes, I do have "doormat" written all over my forehead. But, it's all good. All is good, because I know that God loves me just the way I am, because after all, He made me this way! And that is good enough for me!