Our big girl!

It is so hard to believe that 4 1/2 years ago, God blessed us beyond measure by bringing Jaycee into our home and our lives. At 8 months old, Jaycee was the cutest, pudgiest, sweetest little girl we had ever met. What was intended to be just a few weeks' stay became the most wonderful 4 1/2 years I could ever imagine. Jaycee Elisabeth stole our hearts the minute she came into our home, and we are so grateful for the opportunity to have her in our lives. With Kindergarten fast approaching, I have been reflecting on her sweet little life, and how blessed we are to have her as a part of our family.

In 4 1/2  years, we have held 5 birthday parties, 4 Christmases, 4 Thanksgivings, 4 Easters, 4 Halloweens, 4 Independence Days... We've had 2 full years of dance, 4 years of daycare, a preschool graduation, 2 dance recitals, and more love and happiness than we ever imagined. We have experienced the birth of two beautiful, perfect daughters to add to the family, and we have had our share of struggles and problems. We have moved once, to a new, bigger home. We have lost our first born, and we have buried my "first" baby, my precious Murphy. We have experienced money struggles, grief struggles, and life struggles. We have gone through family changes with family members in and out of hospitals, life-altering diseases and conditions, and multiple surgeries. We have seen weddings, and births of many precious babies in our family and circle of friends.

In the first few months that we had Jaycee in our home, I finally learned what it was like to love someone with a mother's love. I knew that I would give my life for her the minute I met her. In many ways, we needed Jaycee just as much as she needed us. She came to us when we were hopeless, lost, and broken- we were so broken from failed fertility treatments and the inability to become pregnant. When we received the blessing of Jaycee coming to our home, she gave us hope, laughter, love. I can't even begin to tell you how much her life brought me joy.

Jaycee's first birthday was a 1st birthday princess party- and we were blessed to celebrate with family and friends who had fallen in love with her just as much as we had. Her second birthday was a Disney Princess party, and her third birthday was a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse party- and each year, we were overwhelmed with joy as we realized just how special she had become to everyone around us. No one cared that she wasn't "blood" related- Jaycee was a part of us, and a part of them. Her fourth birthday party was Tinkerbell themed at Jump Zone, and this past year, we had a carnival in our own backyard. Looking at the pictures from each party makes me speechless- I am just overwhelmed with pride and happiness as I see how much this little girl has changed me and everyone who meets her.

Jaycee has always been a happy, smiling little girl- she is one of the most loving children I have ever met. She will hug just about anyone, even if she doesn't know you. She hugs waitresses at restaurants, family members she meets for the first time, and other kids her age that she meets at dance class, playgrounds, etc. She wants to love everyone, and it just melts my heart with pride to see how she always wants to love on everyone.

And oh, she makes the cutest little "model" for Halloween! She has been a pumpkin, a witch, Tinkerbell, and Hannah Montana! This year, she asked to be all 4 of those again, so we're having a bit of a time getting her to change her mind. =)

And recently, my heart has been warmed to listen and talk with Jaycee about the love of God. We listen to WAY FM in the car, and one of my favorite things to do is sing some of our favorite songs together. There is nothing in this world more innocent, pure, and special than a 5 year old singing "My hope is... in you Lord..." or "All I know is I'm not home yet, this is not where I belong..." - melts me into a puddle of Mommy happiness. And she tells me: "Jesus died for us so we can all go to Heaven" and my favorite is "God lives in our hearts. All the time. And we live in God's heart." This child has a pure love for God that inspires me, awes me, and brings me to my knees. It is such a beautiful relationship, and I am so excited to watch her grow in her love for Christ and mature into a strong Christian young woman one day!

So many people say that they commend us for loving Jaycee and for treating her as our own child for all this time. I tell them thank you, but they really don't understand that it wasn't even a choice- she is such a special little girl, and our lives are better because of her. I really see it as we are the lucky ones- she is a joy to have in our home and family, and we couldn't imagine where we would be if we didn't have her here. When we lost Kylie, I got up every day for Jaycee. She kept me going. If we had not had Jaycee in our lives, I know my life and the way I dealt with Kylie's loss would be completely different, and it could have ruined me. Jaycee was the first person to give me an even greater purpose in this world- she showed me what being a mother is about, and she showed me that blood doesn't mean anything when it comes to family.

I remember holding her in my arms, cradling her while she held her bottle... and I remember thinking that I never wanted that moment to end. Even now, as big as she is, I sometimes have the urge to hold her close, and I can almost imagine her as that sweet, chunky little baby girl with the cutest dimples in her smile, and my heart just leaps with love and overwhelming emotions.

And now, at 5 years old, she is witty, intelligent, kind, loving, clumsy, silly, goofy, sweet, stubborn, hard-headed, strong-willed, confident, cautious, precious, amazing... I mean, i could really go on all night. She has become such a big girl, and I wonder where all that time went. Where did my sweet baby girl go? Really, she's still there, just buried deep with in. Over this summer, I really feel we have gotten closer in our relationship with the time we have spent together- and it just makes my day for her to run to me and tell me how much she missed me while I was away. I know I may baby her some, but kids don't stay little forever, and by golly, I will spoil her and love her every moment of every day if I can! =)

I know it rambled, but it's so hard to organize your thoughts when you are fighting off tears that you have a sweet girl going to Kindergarten!!!!!!!! It just doesn't seem fair!