The memories aren't as painful...

So Friday, Chris and I decided to go to the chiropractor- I was long overdue. I had not been to the chiropractor since January '09... so it has been entirely too long. There is a scrapbooking place next door to the chiropractor, and the last time I was in there was December when I tagged along with one of Chris's visits. I went shopping while he was getting therapy, and found some beautiful papers to start Kylie's scrapbook. They didn't have any "in memory" papers, but the lady told me she had just ordered some, and to check back in a few weeks.

Well. I forgot about the papers, the stickers, and the store. I didn't have as many therapies as Chris did, so when I finished, I went over to the scrapbooking store- they had two different types of "In Loving Memory" papers- beautiful, beautiful papers, and then I kinda went nuts picking out more paper and stickers.. spent about $12 and really shouldn't have spent money at all.. but what can I say? I'm a sucker for my daughter.

Yesterday, my sister and I went back to the store (insane, I know!), because she didn't even know about it. She went a little nuts in there, too (about $26), and I spent about $5 more on things that I had thought about and really wanted.

So, in saying all that, because we are now displaced to my mom's, I spent the weekend at several instances going to the house and getting things of Kylie's... pictures, momentos, special things... and it was easier to look at them... a little less hurt, if that's possible, but it still made me extremely sad. I miss looking at her tiny little legs and toes, and her sweet little face with my nose.... what a sweet baby she was... I counted the people who signed her guest book at the funeral, and over 160 people signed, not to mention the ones that came and didn't get to sign. It was an amazing thing to look at, because most of the 160 people who signed the book had never met her at all. Some of them had not seen me pregnant. Some of them did not know we were expecting until she was already gone. Some were going through tremendous stress in their own lives, and some were there despite their fear of attending a funeral for a baby. It warmed my heart to see so many familiar names, so many thoughtful signatures, and I could see each of the faces again, deep with grief and concern for me, some with tears building in their eyes, and many with tears already flowing. My little cheerleaders, those sweet, innocent girls... former teachers, co-workers... friends... To know that they were so sweet to show up for me, for us, for Kylie... it really filled me with love for all of them all over again. I know there will be special pages for those people in her scrapbook, because they were an important part of her life.

I've never really been good at scrapbooking, but I'm going to give it a shot. I have a TON of stuff for her scrapbook... I might actually have to do two! I will be getting some pictures of our new papers soon and posting...