Dr. Visits Galore! and ... 18 months in Heaven

So I've had THREE appointments this week! Tueday I met with Dr. Gonzalez. He put me on some additional folic acid tablets, and asked me to send him my blood sugars every week for the entire week. He also had me meet with a nutritionist (which I did Tuesday), and they have me on a gestational diabetes diet to prevent me from getting gestational diabetes wiht my PCOS and insulin resistance. He is going to do the first trimester screen on me, starting with bloodwork next Wednesday, as well as a 12 week ultrasound with Dr. G on May 10- this will measure all kinds of stuff and will tell risk factors for heart defects, down's, spinobifida, and most important, it will tell the strength of my placentaand the risks of abrupting again.


I saw Dr. Harris on Thursday, and got a second ultrasound in a week. =) Butterfly looks like a little lima bean! Dr. Harris said I'd be getting plenty of ultrasounds, and that i will go back in 4 weeks (May 12) for an appointment with Dr. H for another ultrasound and such. He said that with my classical uterine incision, the earlier the better for delivery, so no later than 37 weeks, because I am high risk for a uterine rupture the longer i go. He also prepared me for pre-term birth, and said he'd do everything in his pwoer to prevent it, but it would be a good idea to limit my activities now and slow it down some. I got my "mommy" bag- that huge bag of stuff with a ton of prental vitamin samples, and i had to go today and get all that beginning bloodwork done. Whew! A lot going on!

Today is 18 months since my little princess went to Heaven. One and a half years... one and a half years. I am so sad today, though I'm trying not to focus on the sadness due to my pregnancy- it's a guilty thing too. I feel guilty for being happy and guilty for being sad. I know there's nothing that I can do about what hashappened and what our lives are like, but I still have that empty hole in my heart that will never be filled. I miss her terribly... just wonder what life would be like with an 18 month old around...