Whew!

Wow. When you think of Spring Break, you think of rest, relaxation, no work, quiet time, enjoyment, etc. Not this Spring Break. Not for me. Not for our little family. On Monday, I had to have a ganglion cyst removed from my right wrist, along with a clean-up of some tendonitis that was really affecting my movement and usage of my hand. Recovery has been proving more difficult than I first thought; I have been pretty sore and limited in my mobility. I was pretty much out of it on Monday and Tuesday.Yesterday, we had court at 9:00, and due to the recommendation of the guardian ad litem, the case is now CLOSED. Jaycee is in our full physical and legal custody, no more monitoring with lawyers or judges. Life can resume as normal. Praise God for that news!

Yesterday afternoon, I took Jaycee and Bryleigh to the dentist. The dentist checked out Bry's teeth, and there is no plaque, no build up, no problems, no issues. Perfect! Though, Bryleigh did NOT appreciate the dentist looking in her mouth. Jaycee, however, has some issues we have to handle in the next few months. She has some partial nerve removals we have to do because she was never allowed to see a dentist until we got her under our insurance in September. This summer will be interesting for her, bless her heart :(. And right now, she doesn't have any signs of loose teeth, but he thinks that will happen soon. She's so ready for teeth to come out! But there were no new issues at the appointment yesterday, and he said that was a REALLY good sign.

In the midst of all that, I took the girls to lunch and then we went shoe shopping. Jaycee needed cleats, and each girl needed sandals for Easter. Luckily, I hit the jackpot; $25 on 2 pair of sandals and a pair of cleats, TOTAL! =)

This morning was by far the most difficult thing. We had to be at the Surgery Center at 6:00 this morning for Bryleigh to have her tubes put in her ears. Now, don't get me wrong. I am thankful we finally got her tubes, because it has been a long, miserable 8 months of little sleep, lots of crying, antibiotics, weekend doctor visits, and more. Sweet baby has gone through a lot of pain and misery to get here. However, I was NOT happy about trusting someone else with my baby girl for any period of time, and apparently, when Bryleigh realized where she was, she wasn't happy about it either.

The doctor, anesthesiologist, and nurses were all so comforting and reassuring for us, and they explained everything in as much detail as possible. When the nurses "swooped" her away, she cried all the way down the hall, and I could still hear her through the double doors, and it just ripped my heart right out of my chest! We went down to the waiting area, where I quickly sent a text to my family and a few others who were waiting to hear about her procedure, then I went to the restroom, and then came back to find that Jaycee was waiting to talk to me on the phone. That child is always my saving grace. I didn't have time to panic or think about panicking because she was on the phone, being sweet and precious as always. She always, ALWAYS returns me to a place of thoughtfulness and to forget what I was so worried about. God definitely gave me a gift in her, and I am still in awe that He has granted our wishes by giving her to our family; she is OURS. And so, by the time I hung up with this amazingly sweet 5-year-old, a nurse was telling us that Bryleigh was in recovery and the doctor would speak with us in a minute. He came in, and answered all questions, described what happened, and said she did amazing and didn't really cry back there. What a blessing! Of course, minutes later, they bring her to me, and she sees me and starts crying (she knows how to tug on Momma's heart strings), but she was happy with her cup, and then of course, her thumb.

Since we've been home, she's been asleep, but I have been reflecting on this week and just thankful for a job that gives me a week at home so that things like this can happen without taking sick leave, etc. The amazing thing is that I wouldn't have done anything different this break. I needed the surgery and needed the relief. Bryleigh needed surgery so she can have relief. Our family needed the reassurance of the court case being closed (still cannot thank God enough for this gift!). It is also a stark reminder that we are blessed in all things, big and small, even if we see them as burdens. We serve a great and mighty God who knows what we need and knows what we can handle. He loves us, and for that, I am eternally grateful. What a beautiful reminder this Easter weekend of the love and sacrifice of God with the death of his one and only son, who died for US. He died for me, for you, for everyone. What a humbling feeling. After this week, He is still God. He will always be God, and no matter what trials or triumphs we go through, I will praise Him and give honor and glory to HIM. This has been a beautiful week, because I am a child of God, and He has been with me each step of the way. =)

Stressing out, as always.

This year marks the 75th Anniversary of the March of Dimes, and by the grace of God, we have been chosen as the 2013 Huntsville March for Babies Ambassador Family. Those two things in one year are just HUGE. I've been hard at work over the past month preparing information, getting our story out there, recording PSAs, working on billboard information, working on March of Dimes event invites, fundraisers, etc.

On top of all of this, we are closing on our new house this Wednesday, so we are packing and moving. We are still trying to run the online parent support group, Jaycee has dance on Tuesdays, Awana's on Wednesdays, and now Taekwondo on Mondays and Thursdays. I am super excited that she is so involved, but right now our schedule looks like a train wreck! We'll be moving through the three day weekend, and then Tuesday, our fundraisers begin...

Tuesday, Jan. 22- Mi Casa night in Harvest, Alabama from 6-8:30 (Publix shopping center on Hwy 53)
Friday, Jan. 25- Thirty One fundraiser at Kids Care Daycare in Toney.
February 9- Whimsical Art painting fundraiser at 6:00 P.M. at the Toney Volunteer Fire Dept. Station 1.

We have Family Fun day hopefully the first week of April. We are hoping to do our annual cut-a-thon. We have to get collection bins out in a week or two. We have flyers to make and pass out.

I'm so worried that people won't participate this year like they have been, even though I've been trying so hard to get people to join the team, make their own teams, etc. I have tried to do a variety of fundraisers so that it isn't the same ole' same ole, but I really want them to be successful. I put so much time and effort into them because I want people to get a great experience from it, yanno? I stress about everything, I guess, but it works me into an anxiety attack!

Praying for peace and for the ability to keep on working hard on it... pray that I keep the anxiety down and just let it go as it will. =)

Growing in many ways...

Over the past several years, my life has changed drastically. In just the past year, I have changed more than I thought possible in that time period.

In a year's time, I've re-dedicated myself to God, been baptized, took on a role as Mommy of 2 very busy earthly angels and continued my journey as a parent to a heavenly angel, made decisions to finally buy a home again, worked so hard to have an awesome start, took on a role of responsibility at work beyond just teaching in the classroom, and so many other things.

In a year's time, I've lost my precious, most amazing Granddaddy. I've watched my best friend go through grieving for her mom and grandfather. I've hurt for my own child, and for others. I've met new friends because of infant/pregnancy loss. I've experienced hurt.

I've seen joy and happiness in watching my beautiful girls grow; I've watched Bryleigh complete many milestones, from rolling over, to sitting, to pulling up, to crawling. I've watched Jaycee start school. We were blessed beyond measure with the awarding of custody to us, the desire of our heart for the past nearly 5 years. We were granted a peace and a hope that our sweet girl does belong with us.

I've learned about my strengths and weaknesses. I've pulled away from some of my former passions to put time and energy into new ones. I've devoted myself to helping others, and I have learned that I still have a lot to learn.

This morning, I had a huge lesson. Last night, a person I have known (only on the computer) for over 13 years made statement that greatly offended me and hurt me, as it was a tasteless joke about abortion. I made a comment about it, and then someone said something not so nice, and the "friend" of mine tried to say it was all in fun. I private messaged this person to explain that at some point in life, you have to have some kind of regard for the people you care about and know when things are tacky and tasteless and when things are okay. Abortion isn't really something to "joke" about- it's fine if you don't want kids, or don't like kids, but with the "freedom of speech" thing comes a responsibility (that last part I thought of after I sent the message). But I told him that he would never really know what I went through, how it affects me, and so on.

The message I received back should have horrified me, shocked me, or tore me to pieces- well, the old me, anyway. Instead, I realized something. The minute I read things such as "You can't expect people to identify with you anymore." and made comments about how I always expected people to be sad with me forever, but he didn't care about Kylie, because he didn't know her, he just hurt for me for a little while... well, I don't expect anyone to be sad with me. There was so much more to the letter, but just those things... I read them, and I made a decision. I wasn't mad. I wasn't crying. I wasn't hurting. I just decided instantly that God did not intend for that person to stay in my life. The people who truly care about me, who truly know me, who truly want to be a part of my life will always know that Kylie is a part of who I am, and though I don't expect anyone to be sad or know every detail about her and remember it, those who are personally close to me will not ever forget it anyway.

And because of that decision, I deleted the Facebook friendship. And I feel good. I forgive him for his comments, and forgiving does not mean I have to continue to keep something going that wasn't really a friendship for a long time anyway. This small moment happened for a reason, but it taught me something valuable. Yes, I get sensitive and take things personally, but unlike what he said, I didn't become that way because of losing Kylie. I was that way before. Sometimes, life experiences change us and put us in a place we never anticipated being, but that's okay. God has a plan for me, and God will continue leading me down the path he wishes for me to take.

Tonight, I celebrate the ability to be strong. I celebrate growth and constant learning. I celebrate the opportunities to test my faith and strength. I embrace who I am, and I'm not looking back on anything with regrets. I am who I am, and I am proud that I can admit that now.

May God bless each of you as He has blessed me!