So yeah, it's been since July since I posted. Life really caught up to me during the last half of Bryleigh's pregnancy, and it has been a whirlwind few months since her birth! Above is the first time I got to hold my beautiful little girl!
October 2011 was busy, because of course, it was Kylie's second birthday and angelversary. We also had the October 15 event again, which was a beautiful and huge success. We made memory boxes again for Kylie's birthday, and we ended up with over 25 boxes made! What a blessing for us to be able to take that delivery to the NICU. I'm so proud of my little angel and the good we are trying to do in her name. She is such an inspiration, and when I do these things in her honor and memory, I feel her love resounding in my heart and soul. I know if she was still with us, she would be one of the most loving children ever; she still is any way!
November 1, 2011, our rainbow baby, Bryleigh Addison Keith, graced this world with her presence. At 37 weeks 3 days, she weighed a sturdy 7 lbs. 13 oz and measured at 19 1/2 inches long. My second birth went flawlessly (in c-section), and Bryleigh was able to go straight to the well baby nursery. We did so well that I only stayed in the hospital for a little over 48 hours!!!! I had her at 8:57 A.M. on Tuesday morning, and was at home and settling before 4:00 P.M. on Thursday afternoon. Now, Bryleigh is 2 months old, and at her 8 week appointment, she was weighing 10 lbs 3 oz and 22 3/4 inches long. She is in the 80th percentile in length, and the 50th percentile in weight and head circumference. She started daycare on January 3 because I had to leave and go back to work :( (big big big crocodile tears here. From me, of course).
I do notice something though: I mean, I've seen babies in public and people ooh and ahh and such, but I don't ever see what happens to me and Chris ALL the time... (it's a good thing). We can go anywhere with Bryleigh and people stop us in restaurants, stores, anywhere... just to admire her and tell us that she is absolutely gorgeous. I'm not trying to exaggerate either; Just today at Cheddar's, I was stopped by three different couples at tables between our table and the restroom... just to tell me how beautiful my daughter was. We are truly blessed, and I am so in awe over the attention she gets in public-- I've never been stopped so much in my life!
In the past two months, God has really worked in my heart. He has been telling me all along that my life isn't over, and that Kylie's loss was not an intent to hurt me personally, but I have been too angry to listen. When Bryleigh entered this world, it was like she was the peace and voice of reason that God was telling me about. Because, I probably wouldn't have Bryleigh if Kylie had made it; we would not have tried again so soon. I am so grateful for each of my daughters and for the fact that God chose me to be their mother. I have learned that my will is not always God's will, and his will is not always my will. I prayed for him to make my daughter better; he did make her better, but his version of healing her was not the one I had chosen. I am learning to let go of my anger and to let go of my despair, but it doesn't make the pain any less, nor does it make me feel better about it. I miss Kylie every day. I love her just as much as I did the moment I found out she was growing inside my womb. I love her just like I did when she was born... and when she passed. I will always love her with every bit of me.
I say that to say that I love each of my girls (Jaycee, Kylie, and Bryleigh) differently, but I love them all equally. I mother three girls in three different ways. Though I didn't birth Jaycee, I love her as much as if I had. Though Kylie isn't here with us on earth, I love her as much as if she were. and of course, I love Bryleigh just as much as her sisters. No one child is a replacement for the other; I mean, anyone who has multiple children in a normal circumstance has the children because they want to expand their family, because they want to be parents, because they love children, etc. That is the same reason I have children. I want a family; my life's greatest dream was to become a parent. I wanted to be a mommy before I knew how someone became a mommy or daddy. I love each child individually but the same, if that makes any sense.
This year, in 2012, I hope to be able to blog more often and share my thoughts as I journey down several different paths. I am working on the mother deal the most, and making sure to juggle all three girls and give them each attention that they need and deserve. I'm working on Kylie's fund. I'm working on the March of Dimes, and I'm working on the October 15th event. I am trying to make sure Jaycee is not left out and is included in everything, along with juggling her dance classes and events. And of course, Bryleigh requires a lot of our attention right now because she's so little. We're trying to get to church and get into a routine, and trying to all-around do things to improve and have better lives.
So here's to 2012 and the changes it has brought already, and the changes it will bring in the future. And here's to 2012, another year that I will never forget my first-born's existence, and another year to do good things in her memory... and here's to 2012, the year my rainbow baby turns one, and the year my sweet big girl turns 5 and starts kindergarten... What a busy year we have ahead! And to leave you with my favorite image of her most recent photos!
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