Baby food, spit up, Sleeping through the Night, and MOD, OH MY!

My three girls, to begin. 

Well it has been a while since I posted (yet again). I have a lot on my plate right now, actually. In reality, my plate and cup and bowl and the whole dad-gum table overfloweth! I guess that's just how my life is always going to be. I like it most of the time, but right now, it's getting to me.

To update you- Bryleigh is growing like a weed! She is such a beautiful, sweet, happy baby. My heart just overflows with joy to be around her and watch her grow. It is still such an awe-inspiring thing to think that I carried her for 9 months, that I grew her... she is the product of love, and I am just so blessed to have her. She is such a cutie-pie, and she has an amazingly awesome personality. She laughs a lot, and everything makes her smile. She is eating baby food now, and she loves it! She started cereal on February 20, and she started eating baby food on March 10- she has had sweet potatoes, green beans, squash, and started peas today. She is doing amazingly well, and now she is sleeping through the night as of last Monday! It is an amazing feeling to be rested and sleep all night. I also love seeing those baby fat rolls developing on her chunky little legs. =) We have several nicknames for her, too- Bry, pork chop, punkin... =) I just love my little pork chop!

Jaycee is growing so fast and is quickly outsmarting us! I can't believe that she is almost 5, and that she knows so much! She is always surprising us with her funny, smart, and oddly observant quips. =) On Friday (the day before St. Patty's Day), when I picked her up from daycare, she came running to me and said, "MOMMY! The little peenchy man tooked one of my shoes at nap and put it outside on the BUGZEBO!" (The leprechaun put one of her shoes on the gazebo outside during naptime =) lol) This kid is just too funny for her own good. She has such funny and serious expressions, and everything she says is really emphasized. Her eyes get really big and she nods her head like she knows it all. I just love it! She is loving being a big sister; she always wants to hold Bryleigh, cuddle her, love her, get in her face, etc. It's hard to keep her away. Just wait though; soon she'll be screaming and crying because Bry won't leave her alone!

We're hot and heavy into the March for Babies fundraising as well. Saturday is our biggest event, the Family Fun Day. Right now, we're hoping it doesn't rain and ruin our plans. :( It's causing me a lot of stress, but I am hopeful that it will not ruin the day. We have $2,500 raised right now, and still working on raising more. I don't foresee us getting to our original $6,000 goal, though, which greatly saddens me. We still have a great fundraiser going on with Brad Johnson's fundraiser- for every quote the Brad Johnson Agency gives, he will donate $5 to our team. I am excited about that.

This news I'm about to share hasn't been shared with a lot of people yet, so I just wanted to let you know that this is what is bothering me the most these past few days. Chris found out today that he MUST change his schedule beginning next week. The city is making him work every Saturday and Sunday until further notice, with his off days being Wednesday and Thursday. They also told him that this includes working Easter Sunday and any holiday that comes up while he's working this schedule, which is "until further notice." To make matters worse, if he needs off (for things such as the March of Dimes Walk and Easter), not only does he have to take his vacation time, but he also has to find his own replacement to volunteer to work in his place, which is not something he currently has to do. I am really struggling with this because it seems like they are being super unfair, and it is going to be a very difficult adjustment for us. We are used to having the weekends to each other and for family time, and we are going to have to adjust to having very little time together while I'm still at work. This also limits his time with the girls, and it makes me basically a single parent on the weekends, when I need time to work on stuff for work, the girls, the house, and everything in between. This adjustment is going to be so, so hard, and I am having a hard time having any respect for the people who thought this would be a "good" thing- to take a man away from his family when they haven't ever made him work on the weekends before. The way they have done this is wrong, and unfair, and I so wish I could go and talk to all of those people who run that office and make them realize how hard things still are for us and how important our family is, since we are missing a person. No one cares about that, though- they haven't cared about that since the day he returned to work from losing her.

Also, I'm disheartened about work. I am trying so hard to keep my head above water, and I see everyone else passing me and doing amazing wonderful things, and basically, I feel like a crap teacher. It's like by the time I get excited about the lesson, the kids are tearing each other down, ruining the teachable moment, talking, being disrespectful, or just not handling the groupwork and freedom of decisions, etc. I feel so deflated and have little motivation to do anythign fun or wonderful because it's almost like "what's the point?" I feel like everyone looks at me and is like "I'm so glad I'm a better teacher than her." or "I can't believe she's still here." Sometimes, I wonder how I made it this far myself. I am trying desperately to find motivation, and after a meeting today, I know I am not the teacher I always wanted to be. I just don't know how to get there, because I am so far behind, so frustrated, so disgusted with myself. I just don't know anymore, and I always wanted to be a good teacher, and here I am, with no heart and feeling like the kids will never care... I am just so depressed about it, and I've never felt this way before. I've missed so much while being on maternity leave, and it's like I've lost some of me in the process... I'm praying for a way back to myself, but I don't see it coming, and I don't want people to think I'm terrible at what I do.

So, there's quite a bit going on. I have a lot on the plate, and all of these things at once don't help. Another positive thing is that we were baptised on February 19, and we are so blessed with our church family at Lighthouse. We are so proud to be a part of this amazing church family. I am also honored to be the speaker for this year's Mother's Day Luncheon (the weekend before Mother's Day). The theme is "A Mother's Hug." It couldn't be a more appropriate theme for my journey as a mother and as a Christian.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We could use it.

To end on a happy note, here are 2 shots from Bryleigh's 4 month session with the amazing MaryEllen at Lighthouse Photography: